Family Antics

Listen to Your Body

Stacy Dymalski — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 19:48:29 +0000

A female friend of mine recently asked me if I thought she should have a baby. She is about to turn 35 and feels like that bus is whizzing by and she needs to either get on or let it go. “That’s not a good reason to have a baby,” I counsel her. “Yeah, but I’m worried I’ll hit 40 and my uterus will self-destruct,” she replied. “I saw something about it on Oprah.”

I just recently read an article called “Listen to Your Body”. It said that the healthiest time for a woman to have a child is when she is between the ages of 16 to 20. Can you believe that?! Sixteen to 20?! In what, dog years?

School Shopping 101 (For Boys)

Stacy Dymalski — Tue, 28 Aug 2007 04:30:59 +0000

When I was a kid, it was an annual summer ritual to shop for new school clothes with my mom. She would haul my sisters and I to Lloyd Center in Portland, Oregon, which at the time, with 104 stores, was the largest shopping center in the world. (They didn’t call them malls then, they were shopping centers).

Independence Day

Stacy Dymalski — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 02:41:36 +0000

There is one event that both kids and parents track with equal interest as it looms closer each year, and that event is the first day of school. And even though it’s on the radar for both, it’s dramatically different for each group. For kids, it’s that dreaded day when life has a schedule again; homework, music lessons, soccer practice, karate, community theatre, driver’s ed, after school sports, blah, blah, blah. Suddenly, your kid has a job, where they leave for work every morning at the crack of dawn and don’t return until dinner time. For the same reasons, we parents fondly refer to school starting as Independence Day.

I Don’t Want to Take the Credit

Stacy Dymalski — Fri, 18 May 2007 20:38:28 +0000

My 12-year-old son informed me that he wants a credit card. Now, there’s a recipe for disaster.

“You don’t even qualify for a credit card,” I told him. “And be happy that you don’t because once you’re entangled in the quagmire of credit, you might as well just kiss any home equity you think you have good-bye.”

Passive Aggressive Letters From Camp

Stacy Dymalski — Wed, 25 Apr 2007 02:18:12 +0000

Dear Mom and Dad,

Camp Moneybucks is very fun this year. I’m so glad you bit the bullet and paid the extra $900 so I could do the adventure hikes, which included bungee jumping off Teddy Roosevelt’s nose on Mount Rushmore and water skiing down the Snake River rapids on footwear we made out of redwoods we cut down in our logging class. (By the way, I don’t care what any lawyer says, that thing with the buzz saw was not my fault, but don’t worry, the doctor said I should regain up to 75% use of my finger once the bone has fused and the stitches come out. For now we may want to rethink that piano recital in May.)

Preschool…The OTHER Higher Education

Stacy Dymalski — Tue, 13 Mar 2007 18:15:39 +0000

I’ve been using scissors for decades. My first memory of scissors was when I cut my cousin’s hair with pinking shears when we were toddlers. My aunt wasn’t happy, but it really wasn’t my fault. Since I had used packing tape to style my cousin’s hair (we couldn’t find barrettes) I had no choice but to do surgery on her blond tresses. Unfortunately, I had to cut her hair rather short, which turned out to be a non-issue. They had to shave her head anyway when the doctor stitched up her scalp

WITH SPRING COMING, FAMILY CAMPING IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER!

Stacy Dymalski — Thu, 22 Feb 2007 16:23:04 +0000

I, like every mom and dad I know, got into parenting for one reason; the money. No, wait. That’s why I got into high risk junk bonds. Now why did I get into parenting again? Oh yeah, for the rewards. Not the monetary kind, mind you, but the kind you get when you actually do something with your kids. And when I say “do something” I don’t mean stick them in front of a Game Cube while you have margaritas out back with the other moms in the neighborhood (although that’s a thought).

No, what I mean is to actually go somewhere and do something that both adults and the small fry will enjoy.

THE BIG (BIRTHDAY) BANG THEORY

Stacy Dymalski — Tue, 02 Jan 2007 15:49:22 +0000

Are you planning your child’s first birthday party this year? Let me share something with you they don’t tell you when you take your little miracle home from the hospital. The evolution of the children’s birthday party is not unlike a twelve-step recovery program. In other words, it takes you (the parent) 12 years to realize that the best kids’ parties involve nothing more than a frozen pizza, a carton of Haagen-Dazs and some pitted black olives for the little darlings to stick on their fingers (but be sure to get the extra large ones so they can’t stick them up their noses – nothing ruins a party more than a trip to the emergency with a kid that isn’t yours).

THE NAME OF THE GAME

Stacy Dymalski — Fri, 15 Dec 2006 22:41:08 +0000

     The other day I went into my 10-year-old son’s room to ask him a question and found him and his buddy glued to a 10-inch TV screen while they maneuvered joysticks with the precision of fighter pilots. They were so intent on avoiding land mines in the latest iteration of The Legend of Zelda that real bombs could have gone off around them and they wouldn’t have noticed.
     “Have you seen the good scissors?” I asked.
     “Huh?” Said my gifted son with the intelligence of a tree stump.
     “The good scissors. I need them to cut off your brother’s head.” I replied, testing his comprehension.
     “In a minute, Mom. I still have a little life left.”
     “Well, hurry up and kill yourself so we can have a normal conversation!” Now there’s a sentence I never thought I’d say in my lifetime.